The differences between Wyoming and Maryland

1. People in Wyoming say “Hello, good morning” not “What do you want?, and good riddance”
2. When turning onto a street you can actually turn left in Wyoming
3. In Wyoming the posted speed limit says 45 and people can go 45, not posted limit 55 and everyone can only get to 5.
4. In Wyoming a 3br 2 bath house costs around $190,000 not 1.5 million.
5. In Wyoming there are museums where you can actually see the exhibits, without waiting in a 2 hour line to see “Dorthy’s red slippers”.
6. In Wyoming neighbors greet you with a shake of the hand and introductions, not shutting the blinds and avoiding you on the way to work.
7. When at a restaurant in WY the waitress really means it when she says can I help you, not “what is the least amount of work I can do for a decent tip” (and then fail at that).
8. In Wyoming gas costs $2.47 and does not go up every weekend or holiday.
9. In Wyoming the days are warm and the nights are cool, with 0% humidity.
10. The people in Wyoming working minimum wage are teenagers trying to learn responsibility, not green card holders trying to learn english.
11. In Wyoming I can see where I need to go and not need TomTom to tell me.
12. In Wyoming people say “no problem and thank you” not “what’s your problem and fuck you”
13. Last and most important:  I CAN MAIL WINE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!

Toddler Toys

A list of 10 items to never, ever, ever buy your children or for others with children aged 2-18.

1.  Playdoh:  Messy as shit and the colors never stay separated.  No matter what you see on tv.

2.  Slinky:  Just plain dumb as hell to play with, and just looking at it gets it tangled

3.  Stickers:  You may think they are cute, and even the Dr’s office gives them out.  The stickers will end up everyplace you do not want them to be. (i.e. the dryer, carpet, wall, pets fur and on the back of a uniform (funny story there).

4.  Musical instruments: These toys do not teach a child about music or creativity, they just teach them how to make a new kind of annoying noise.

5. Anything that takes batteries: This toy will spend your child’s college fund on keeping it flashing and beeping,  while creating a general noise level often heard under an airport runway.

6.  Any toy with more than 5 pieces: Sure the doll house with 100 separate pieces looks great on the box while the perfect child plays with it in all it’s glory.  However, after about one day you start finding chairs in your cereal box, mommies head in your cereal and you do not want to know what is found in the toilet.  in the end you have a house with nothing but lost furnishings.  It will look like the house after someone posts a craigslist add stating “free stuff, you pick up”

7.  Any toy that requires adult supervision: Isn’t that why you bought the toy, so you can tell them “go play”.

8.  Any toy that comes with markers: You are not here to clean my walls, so go to hell with your MARKERS!!!

9.  Any toy that requires a certain item to work it: This would be the barbie doll head that comes with it’s own makeup, the car that only runs with a certain key, etc.  If you lose that one item, then you have nothing but garbage fodder.

10.  Anything filled with a gell, cream, paste and/or liquid: Once again you are not over here cleaning my house so give the shit to your own kids.

Gifts or toys I love to see.

Books, clothes, games, balls.  Just try to think of all the things that you loved to play with as a kid (lawn darts do not count) and get that.  Video games are great but make sure you ask first if the child has it, likes it or can even play it.  When all else fails…cash baby!!!!!!

Letter to the Mormon Church

24Nov2008

To: Bishop Fort Meade Ward

528 Higgins Dr
ODENTON , MD 21113

I would like to thank you for the wonderful educational opportunity you gave me the other night with my children. With the holiday season approaching my children ages 9,7,4 and 2 have been asking about God and Jesus and how they are relevant to this time of the year.

My family and I were just sitting down to dinner the other night when out of the ironic blue came a knock at the door. Two well dressed LDS missionaries were there to greet my opening of the door with absolute disregarding grins on their faces. I say disregarding, because posted on my door is the following sign:

NO SOLICITING

If you have come seeking money for goods, services, coffers and/or charity then this means you.

If you have read this sign and are not leaving then I will call the police and have you arrested for trespassing.

You are not welcome, not invited and are on private property.

I do not believe in God, do not eat meat sold from the back of a truck, already have internet/phone/cable and can clean my own carpets.

Thank you, now fuck off!!!

I am sure they meant well and my not dialing the police was evidence enough that I cared deep in my heart not to arrest two God fearing Christians. I immediately told them “no thank you’ and proceeded to shut the door. This act was met with “excuse me, one question”. Again I stated “No thank you!” a little more firmly this time. “Just one question” was fired back as I stated “NO!!!” and shut the door to complete the interaction. After shutting the door and walking back to my place at the table my children heard a loud voice as if from Santa himself proclaim “JERK!!!!” I smiled, sat down at the table, looking around and thought how blessed I am with my four healthy children and beautiful wife. I looked each child in the eye and said “Kids let me tell you about the Mormon Church, and the person out there who just called Daddy a jerk”.

So please Bishop of Fort Meade Ward find out who came to my door that cool fall evening and tell them never, ever to come on my property again. How dare they come to my house and insult me in front of my children. Most Mormon missionaries are well educated and you would think they could read a sign that the idiot who sells steaks from the back of a pickup can read. I do not want an apology (because that would initiate contact). I do not want anything except to be left alone.

Sincerely,

Thor Hauff

Crying

I love America and what it stands for.  It stands for freedom and the ability to express ones self without restraint or government involvement.  For example I can say fuck in a blog.  Some people will chuckle reading just your random fuck, while others would be offended and stop reading.  That is what makes this country so great.  Both of us can choose with our free will to make our own decisions with no one telling us what we should or should not do.  The country is not what I have issue with, however it is it’s inhabitants.

Americans are wonderful sponges, they seem to follow whatever popular style is occurring at the time.  Yet they never create their own style.  Has anyone ever wore an article of clothing or looked at a piece of art and heard the designer say it was created with “American influences”.  With this affinity for styles of other countries and cultures, comes the ability to create your own feeble attempt of ones own style, thereby creating a “trend”.  The latest trend that is really pissing me off is the tearful, angst ridden crying trend.  The trend was first observed about 2 years ago as I was watching American Idol (read my American Idol blog).  The name of the contestant escapes me but her behavior was so predictable that it was laughable.  Well it was laughable to me, because I knew just what she was doing and it was amazing to watch.  One week prior she sang ok, but it was definitely in the bottom two.  Before and after her song she gave this great diatribe of anxst and misery.  Something about a dead grandfather or some such nonsense, and of course ended it with the all famous “this means such much to me and I know he is watching”.  It was hard to make out with all the tears soaking through her mascara, running into her mouth.  She dabbed each tear while Ryan Seacreast told her how wonderful she did.  This particular week that I was laughing, she was voted through as more tears flowed freely.  Each successive week she cried about something hoping for more votes.  It was obvious to anyone that could look past her tears that talent alone would not see her through.  Eventually America got it right and voted her off.  Even though it was way too late for many people she left in her wake that had “real” talent, and not just the talent to cry on command.  In the years since many contestants on all the shows have cried like no other time in history.  Yet as of late the trend has moved into the male population.

Of course I am not saying that men cannot cry, in fact I have cried before.  However, there are rules related to which when a man can cry:

1. Anytime a man’s dog dies
2. Anytime a child dies
3. Birth of child
4. When a spouse dies (only if she was your soul mate and not the trophy piece of ass)
5. When a friend in combat dies, but only when back in the rear after the mission is completed…NEVER CRY IN COMBAT
6. When a parent dies

That is all of them.  No other time or situation can allow for crying.  A particular criterion is that the crying must be done at the time and never afterwards.  In other words, you cannot reminisce and cry after the fact.  Some examples of crying that is seen but off limits:

1. retirement
2. movie/tv/book
3. PAIN of any kind (rub some dirt in it and fight those tears asshole)
4. when saying the words “this is the most important time in my life”, “this means everything to me” (if that were true, and you did not win-then kill yourself!)

Grow some balls and quit all this crying.  Especially on tv, don’t you realize that not only is all of America watching, but also the rest of the world.  I mean common get some fucking perspective. How does it look to Amir that just had his house blown up for the fifth time this year and has yet to shed a tear, since throughout it all his wife and children are safe?  Yet, here you are on tv warm, safe and fighting for the chance to win a million dollars blubbering like an idiot because “I just love the fans so much”.  Blah, Blah…blah. Idiot

We need a resurgence of men in this country that think military is mandatory and Schwartzkopf stopped short of his goal.  We need men who walk up and slap the shit out of some crying ass clown, then go all Walker Texas Ranger on his ass.  The time of the metro sexual, “queer eye for the straight guy” and emo are over.  So put on your wranglers, get in a fight and quit your fucking bawling you pussy.

Vaccinations

Historical times of our country have been plagued with disease and famine. If someone in our lives was not dying of hunger then they surely would get some terminal disease like polio or small pox. Increasing technology has for the most part eliminated famine from our culture. These days mentioning a terminal illness you of course think of cancer or heart disease. True, heart disease and cancer are major killers of humans in the modern age, and would have been in the past, yet no one lived long enough to die from them. If fact I bet there are some people who can recall a distant relative or some such person who is in crutches from polio, but yet no one can claim a single person who had small pox. According to the CDC the last case of small pox in the United States was 1949, in the world was 1977 and last endemic case of polio U.S. was 1979, polio still exists and most cases are from people who travel outside the U.S. Small pox had a mortality rate of 30% and polio’s is 5%-10%. When referring to small pox I use the past tense of was, and I do that because small pox no longer exists in the world naturally and only two countries have some stored in labs. We are one and the former Soviet Union is the other. Small pox and for the most part polio are eliminated due to the use of vaccines. For those that do not know a vaccine is a dead or weakened form of the disease you wish to cure. When our bodies are injected with this virus our own immune system produces antibodies made to fight off the virus, when, or if we ever come into contact with it again. If our bodies can just fight off the infection in the first place why don’t we just catch the disease naturally and let nature take its course? There is a little thing called virulence; which means the ability of a bacteria or virus to cause infection. Some viruses divide at a rapid rate in fact more rapid that our bodies can produce antibodies to fight it with. There is not yet developed a good medication to fight viruses. The only good way to fight a virus is prevention. Prevention can happen from either preventing the virus from coming into contact with us altogether or being able to prevent the virus from making us sick. Since none of us can live in a bubble it makes more sense to prevent it from making us ill. That prevention takes the form of vaccines.

Autism is according to the American Psychiatric Association: Autism spectrum disorders — The terms “pervasive developmental disorders” (PDD) and “autism spectrum disorders” (ASD) describe a heterogeneous group of neurodevelopmental disorders that have diverse etiologies but are characterized by constellations of symptoms involving impairments in reciprocal social interaction, communication, and behavior (specifically, stereotyped interests and activities) . This group of disorders includes autistic disorder, Rett disorder, childhood disintegrative disorder, Asperger disorder, and pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified.

• Early indicators of ASD include:

-  Parental concerns about deficits in social skills
-  Parental concerns about deficits in language skills or behavior
-  Parental concerns about frequent tantrums or intolerance to change
-  Delayed language and social skills
-  No babbling by 9 months
-  No pointing or gestures by 12 months
-  Lack of orientation to name by 12 months of age
-  No single words by 16 months
-  Lack of pretend or symbolic play by 18 months.
-  No spontaneous, meaningful (not repetitive or echolalic) two-word phrases by 24 months
-  Any loss of any language or social skills at any age

Why in the hell would I go from a life saving breakthrough in science to a life altering

neurological disorder?

On June 11, 2007, nearly 5,000 parents of autistic children filed a lawsuit against the federal government, claiming that childhood vaccines (specifically the mercury-containing thimerosal in the vaccines) caused their children’s autism. The previous year The New York Times ran a column that was skeptical of the claimed link between autism and vaccines, which generated this comment on an internet message board that is typical of the anecdotal thinking that perpetuates this myth: “You say, ‘There is no proven link’ between mercury and autism. There also is ‘no proven link’ between going outside in the rain and cold without a hat or coat and getting the sniffles. Look at the data: the epidemic of autism mirrors the administration of vaccines with mercury. Now that they are off the shelves (more or less), the cases are going down. “ What in the fuck does going outside and the sniffles have to do with autism and vaccines? This would be a great comparison argument if getting the sniffles meant getting sick. I feel in my opinion that is what the author meant to say. However, going outside in the rain without a hat or coat does not make you sick. What makes you sick is being cold. Being cold uses your body’s energy to reheat and/or stabilize your temperature and that can weaken the immune system for a time being. However that is really reaching, since it would usually require the person to already be on the verge of illness when they went outside. If the author meant the actual sniffles then they would be correct it does cause the sniffles, because the cold causes our eyes to water making the tears run down our tear ducts to the nasopharynx, so does cutting onions. Oh shit, onions can make you sick. Better not cut anymore onions. Just eat them whole.

Alright this is when I get pissed. Want to know why I am pissed and how come I am REALLY pissed? I am pissed because some assclowns have decided that Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy know more than The Institute of Medicine (Established in 1970 under the charter of the National Academy of Sciences, the Institute of Medicine provides independent, objective, evidence-based advice to policymakers, health professionals, the private sector, and the public.  The mission of the Institute of Medicine embraces the health of people everywhere.) have dictated even through all the autism and thimerosal propaganda “Given the lack of direct evidence for a biological mechanism and the fact that all well-designed epidemiological studies provide evidence of no association between thimerosal and autism, the committee recommends that cost-benefit assessments regarding the use of thimerosal-containing versus thimerosal-free vaccines and other biological or pharmaceutical products, whether in the United States or other countries, should not include autism as a potential risk.” In other words they decided to look at the “scientific” evidence and concluded there is no greater risk to humans if the vaccine contains thimerosal or it does not. Speaking of thimerosal. Why does it not harm us even though the byproduct is ethylmercury? We all know that mercury is bad, cumulative and high doses of methylmercury can produce renal and neurologic damage. Ethylmercury is not the same thing as its cousin, methylmercury. Ethylmercury is more, well, fluid. It is expelled rapidly from the body and it does not accumulate. Nevertheless, guidelines for the ingestion of ethylmercury were based on those for methylmercury. Around the same time these guidelines were formalized, children were receiving more vaccines that contained thimerosal. For example, in the early 1990s the Haemophilus influenzae b and hepatitis B became staple features of the vaccine schedule for infants, which already included another thimerosal-containing vaccine (diphtheria tetanus and variants). Based on the very conservative guidelines established by the Environmental Protection Agency, it was concluded that by age two some children might be receiving excessive levels of ethylmercury when considered in the context of known risks of methylmercury exposure. The EPA did not know there was a difference two. Well about this same time California stated they had a 273% increase between 1987-1998. Holy shit there has to be a reason for this increase. I know!!! Blame the government!!! To top it all off, a county in Texas had 273% of there kids increasing in height over the same decade. Were these two things related? Did the government poison our kids and at the same time sneak in the middle of the night to stretch them. They are in fact related. Related in the way that autism and “tall” had new guidelines to diagnose each. In 1994 the APA expanded its diagnostic criteria of autism so more children could be accurately diagnosed. When they did that it meant more children qualified for that diagnosis. This increase benefitted the children in two ways; one, it meant children could be diagnosed at a younger age and receive earlier therapy. Two, it meant more children would qualify for state aid. You see all these parents that are now blaming the government for unsafe vaccinations wanted to first pull from the governmental tit first. If their child is labeled as “special”, “mildly retarded”, or just plain stupid, they get squat. However, if their special child gets diagnosed with autism, they get;

• A high staff-to-student ratio of 1:1 or 1:2
• Individualized programming for each child
• Teachers with special expertise in working with children with autism
• A minimum of 25 hours per week of services
• Ongoing program evaluation and adjustment
• A curriculum emphasizing attention, imitation, communication, play, and social interaction
• A highly supportive teaching environment
• Predictability and structure
• Functional analysis of behavior problems
• Transition planning
• Family involvement

Little conflict of interest huh. Another conflict of interest is done through the research team purporting to have data supporting the autism-vaccine hypothesis. In addition to the flawed methods on which their conclusions are based, there are conflicts of interest that should cause one to question their motives. As it turns out, David Geier (one of the two man team who claimed a correlation between vaccines and autism) is the president of MedCon, Inc., a legal firm that seeks compensation for people claiming to have been harmed by vaccines. He also has filed, with his father Mark Geier, two patents related to a treatment for autism involving a combination of drugs and chelation. Chelation therapy is, of course, predicated on the assumption of excessive amounts of heavy metals in the blood stream of children with autism. The Geiers are clearly in a position to benefit if claims concerning a vaccine-autism link are accepted by the public.

Claims of a causal link between the administration of thimerosal-containing vaccines and the onset of autism are unfounded. The controversy has been driven more by public fervor than it has by science. This is not to suggest that the advocates and parents fueling the fire are malicious or intentionally misleading the public. The reality is that too many families face the unimaginable hardship of learning that their child has been diagnosed with autism and must encounter the subsequent trials and tribulations of providing the best possible care and education for their child. These parents are in desperate need of both assistance and answers (blame). Compounding the difficulty is that many must navigate the waters of emerging science without having received the necessary training to do so. Clarifying misguided claims of causative factors can help redirect necessary resources to more promising treatments, and perhaps reveal a better understanding of the real factors that cause autism. Tell you what. You can refuse to immunize your child “for religious reasons”, since that is the only way to not immunize your child and attend public school. Then make sure to take a nice long vacation to some place tropical place, when you return watch them die a long paralytic death from polio as they fail to breathe before your eyes, because the disease has shut down their diaphragm. In the ER when the doctor tells you your child has polio and “why the fuck were you so god damn stupid not to immunize your child”. Hold your head up high and say proudly “a playboy bunny and comedic actor (who starred in Dumb and Dumber, irony huh?) told me not to.

Now get your FUCKING SHOTS!!!!

Survivor Guilt

Many a slogan is chanted from on high, to name a few “Remember 9/11 and Katrina Victims”. Undoubtedly the situations that created these slogans were horrible events that rocked our country to the core, each tragic for the families and survivors. I did not mention the people who died in the tragedies, because their lives are ended and thus ends their suffering. Call me callous, morbid or just an asshole. However, I refuse to think that because a person died in a way unexpected that one should overcompensate for how we feel toward them after they die.

Survivor’s guilt according to the DSM IV “Survivor guilt, otherwise known as survivor syndrome, is the mental condition that results from the appraisal that a person has done wrong by surviving traumatic events such as combat, natural disasters, or even surviving a lay-off in a work place.” So how does the person handle survivor guilt? It all depends on the person. Those whom are self defeatist will become depressed. The well off will donate to pay ransom on their feelings with charity. Then there is the general population who will deify the persons who died. Suddenly an exception is to be made if a person if worthy of fame, money and/or special allowances just because they went through or knew someone who went through a tragedy.

A tragedy does not have to be what I have named before, 9/11 and Katrina are the most news worthy examples as of late. Another example is a survivor of cancer (we are still hearing of Lance’s nuts and that was 12 years ago). Something perfect that will not go away is slavery and Indian tribal rights. Sure the Africans got a wrong deal but that was a long time ago, so live the American dream and get on with your lives by working hard and quit whining about your great, great, great granddad and think I owe you. In fact if truth be told, then you should get your great, great, great grandfather’s unpaid salary and sent back to Africa where your family was forcefully removed from. Any takers? I did not think so. The American Indians were certainly misled, lied to and just plain victims of near genocide. My response to how they can recover from such an event is, to tell them, “get off the reservation”. Just so you know. You do not have to stay there anymore, unless you chose to sit there and wallow in your “I am the victim” mentality. Do not just sit there and talk about how horrible the reservation is and how someone should come and save you. Just Leave. I mean really, the reservations are comprised of worthless pieces of land. That is why they were given away in the first place. Quit bitching about it already, no one is listening anymore.

Perfect example of the cancer survivor is seen today on our lovely reality shows. The kind of shows that rate a contestant on talent, i.e. dancing, singing..etc. To show my point you will have two contestants who appear by all standards the same, yet one of them is far more talented and just destroys the other in skills and expertise. After both have competed, the judges do a dramatic turn of events and try to know the contestants better, even though we all know who should win. The more talented contestant has dedicated her life to the art, been trained by the masters of the craft, and it shows. The less talented has had no formal training and spent her whole life caring for her sick mother with lung cancer, so she only took classes last month after her mother passed. Then to top it all off she dedicates her audition to her dead mother. Everyone cries and the judges let the lesser talented contestant on the show.

To highlight the absurd and put it into a more recognizable context you have to show it in extremes. You have a brain tumor with your survivorablity dependent solely upon the skill of the surgeon. Of course getting your second opinion creates two surgeons to be interviewed. One of them has 15 years experience and he has performed the same operation over a thousand times with a 99% success rate. The other just graduated medical school and his residency, with having never completed the operation without assistance, however he is a Katrina victim and it was the FEMA aid that paid for medical school. Who do you choose?

Do not feel guilty for having what you have, if that means health, wealth or both. In most instances you have earned it. Yet at the same time do not permit allowances for those that do not deserve it. If someone has less ability than the other, does it really matter what happened in the past. Rate people on who they are at the time, not what they went through to get there. That goes the same for war veterans. I am in the military and have 22 years service. I have seen the wall come down, been through the Panama invasion, Desert Storm, Desert Shield and now Enduring Freedom. You can of course express thanks or whatever makes you feel better, but do not think I am a better Nurse Practitioner just because I serve my country. To do that you must evaluate my skills and demeanor at the time of our office visit and nothing more. Do that with everything and with all people that you meet. If someone rattles on about what they have gone through before they met you, then they are trying to gain unwarranted favoritism and nothing more. So from now on look at a person and their qualifications, not their poor miserable me story. If I need a partner in an asskicking contest I will take the World Cup soccer champion from Brazil and not the one legged office manager who survived the Twin Towers.

A few things

School is going good, tough, but good.

Right now I am in my pediatrics rotation and it just solidifies my opinion that having children should be a privilege and not a right. Certain basics should be met before a person is allowed to have children; these are not controlled by government and are basic in ever sense of the word. First thing is; a couple should be able to afford children. Not a bedroom for every child and steak and lobster for dinner type of afford, but able to meet the basic needs, type of afford. i.e. if a person is on welfare then they are not allowed to have more children. If your debt exceeds a certain level, then you are not allowed to have children. I am not trying to create an only the rich have kids world, because hold your water since more qualifications are to come. Before people are allowed to breed they must complete a parenting class to include basic health, development and financial education. You knew the next requirement was coming and yes, I do advocate home inspections. Home inspections prior to having children, then timed with each wellness physical of the child. I would not really put a restriction on age of the parent to be since that should be based on maturity, but push come to shove I would set the age around 25 years old and 30 for men. Sorry about that but a 25 year old guy is just looking to practice making kids and not caring for one. Single parent, heterosexual and homosexual couples do not matter, as long as they can raise the child to become responsible, independent and productive adults. Do not even challenge me with the homosexual thing, or you will lose. Trust me. Lastly stop being friends with your kids. You are not their friend. You are their PARENT. Now act like one and set some limits. Kids follow two things, the example set by their parents and boundaries. If you are your kid’s buddy then you have lost the ability to set an example and are unable to set boundaries.

On to other things:

The whole green fad has to stop. I will make it simple. If you BURN something to make energy, you produce smoke. Smoke is bad. Global warming is bullshit. Recycling is bullshit (common!!! why do you think the recycle truck that comes by after the garbage truck looks exactly like the truck that picked up the ordinary garbage?) Just be smart, do your research and stop following the herd into what you think is prudent.

Being over here on the East Coast and around more people than I am accustomed to, makes me realize why I love my dog. Humans are a selfish, rude and egocentric species. Many things seen lately show proof of this, and what seems to amplify the behavior is the presence of a steering wheel.

If your great aunt Martha is in a wheel chair, and in the kindness of your heart take her to bingo on Fridays, then it is fine to park in the handicapped parking space. However, when she is not in your car then take out the handicapped sign. Your aunt Martha is handicapped, not your fucking car. I guess you figure that since you did an old handicapped lady a favor then all the other handicapped people that need a closer parking spot are fucked, because you are collecting on your “good deed” payment plan. Selfish FUCK.

Christmas

Since football is finally here, then the holidays are not far behind. So as we celebrate the holiday spirit, spoil our kids and believe in mythical figures I shall tell you what Christmas means to me, besides a day off.

There will be no negativity here, nothing about Jesus or the pure commercialism of the holiday. I am tuning over a new leaf with this blog and trying to keep positive. Yes, I know I said trying and not more of an absolute statement, because, come on, let’s be real. I am one pessimistic son-of-a bitch (no offence Mom).

All my life thanks to my parents I grew up with wonderful Christmas’s. Each one was filled with either friends, family or both. Although I am the most anti-social person you will meet. In some dark way I actually anticipated the holiday parties mom and dad would drag us to with some anticipated glee. There is something comforting seeing friends and family gathered together just for the pure enjoyment of each others company. Within those times I had my first Tom and Jerry (not the cartoon, once again sorry mom), made new friends and saw my mom and dad at their most relaxed. Dad was usually off work for at least a week, mom was busy planning parties and visiting with her friends. Throughout it all I could tell that everyone just wanted to be gathered together and just be with each other. There was true pain in people’s voices when they could not be there or talked of someone that could not make it. It was those moments that I saw that when you give it really means more than receiving. Gifts were small and insignificant in a fiscal realm, usually nothing over 5 dollars, but they way a persons face lit up to receive a gift from someone unsuspecting. Half the time I felt a small gift given by a true friend was more appreciated than an expensive one from Santa.

Next we move on to what is happening now in my life. I have a family of my own and am just trying to get in the holiday spirit with some traditions of my own. Right now it is hard since we move around so much. There are really no solid friend networks to draw from. Our kids still believe in Santa and that makes for some great discipline come Christmas time. Nothing better than watching a child clean their room in record time since Santa is watching (awfully close to the whole God thing, but I will let it slide since I am in the giving mood). We always buy each other and ornament and when the kids get older hope they keep on the tradition. This is the first year we have bought a live tree and I hope to keep that one going since I love the smell of pine in the house. Not the pine fresh pine but actual fresh pine. We are also going to begin the lost tradition of setting up all the toys the night of, to avoid having the pile of boxes, twist ties and wrapping that we all know and love.

There is no religious foundation associated with Christmas for me but there is a spirituality about it. There is the spirit of the family, the spirit of the season and the spirit that always comes with togetherness. Sure in an ideal world we would all be able to gather together with our loved ones and enjoy the day, but yet during the holidays do we not feel some sort of togetherness even when apart. That feeling is the spirituality of Christmas for me. Football, great meal and being with the ones you love. To me that is a perfect Christmas. My hope is that all of you out there can have a wonderful holiday season and enjoy the company of those you love.

Being an American

Any sane and patriotic person would look at the title of this weeks blog, then would in turn conjure up images of Old Glory, yellow ribbons and/or freedom. However, as anyone who knows me can attest to. I am anything but sane or patriotic.

We will answer me being in the Air Force and the last statement in another blog.

A simple question by my wife Nicole is what caused this weeks entry. She asked me. “Have you heard about the news story where this baby in New York was denied a prize because it’s mom was not a U.S. citizen? The contest says that they must be citizens of the U.S.” Those same people who have the benefit of knowing me, are now knowing that I am mentally pondering every contingency and the obvious loopholes to the contest rules. My first being, well technically the infant is a U.S. citizen by being born here, so he/she would qualify. Nikki quickly countered that, by stating that the rules say the mother must be a citizen. Mentally exhausting all other loopholes I figured that they were shit out of luck.

This is the time when most well behaved couples, thankful that they have given birth to a healthy infant, in a country with the most technological healthcare system. Hop into their SUV, with dealer plates, drive home shaking their heads, regretful they did not read the rules of the contest better.

This couple was not one of those well behaved couples. We should grant them citizenship just on the superb display of their American like behavior with what they did next. Shaking their foreign fists in the air they screamed “that is not fair, who can we sue.”

My retort to such a claim is this. The fuck it is not fair. I will tell you what is not fair. What is not fair is that you came to this country to give birth to a child in one of our hospitals, taking away the time and resources from our of our doctors that could be caring for an American citizen that has paid her taxes in good faith so that pieces of shit like you can pop out a kid on U.S. soil, use the biggest loophole of all, then guarantee that your little brat has duel citizenship. She paid those high taxes to cover all the dead beats that ran into the ER with a so called emergency knowing they could not pay, but also knowing that the ER could not refuse care to them. The couples’ attorney claimed that the decision to refuse the prize “looked very familiar to second class citizenship”. How the fuck could it look like second class citizenship when the bitch was not a citizen in the first place. In America all citizens have the privilege of specific inalienable rights, the right to a fair trial, right for the pursuit of happiness, etc. If you are not a citizen then you have a have the right for jack and shit. If you do not agree with that then get off your ass and become a citizen. Trust me. There be another blog to talk about how lax citizen qualifications are.

Toys R Us did what any company with a set of iron clad contest rules would do. They caved. They awarded $25,000 to all three of the babies that were up for the prize, so as to not offend anyone. Please indulge me the last point of driving this entry home and mentioning that out of the three couples who were awarded prizes, two of them were NOT CITIZENS.

Patriotism

How many times since 9/11 have you heard the phrases “remember 9/11″ and “I love America”?  Both of those ideals are nice.  Each one I shall address in ascending order.  “I love America”, is a bold noble statement.  When said by the right person, or at the right time also motivating.  To define love; strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything. We all love the freedom, opportunity and protection that America has given us over the years.  In fact we love America so much that we claimed it for ourselves fighting the most powerful country at that time (England) to be able to govern it ourselves dictating our own laws.  We love America so much that we essentially committed indigenous population genocide (Indians-the kind with the feather) so we could develop and explore our newly claimed land.  Past times of war our men and women would drop everything to contribute to the protection of our country.  We see evidence of this by “Rosie the riveter” and tales of men that would commit suicide in shame that they could not serve when they were diagnosed with sec 8 (medical disqualification for service).  The love faded during the Korean war, and was essentially lost during the Vietnam war.  Since then we had had a steady incline and a slight surge during the first Gulf War.  Although, the highest modern increase was seen post 9/11.  Every doorway, light post and car antenna seemed to have some form of American flag draping from it.  Recruiting into the armed services even saw the effects of such patriotism.  Record low numbers, inability to meet recruitment goals were rampant in all four branches (Coast Guard does not count).  Wait a minute did I just say low numbers and not meeting goals.  Yes I did say that.  We are witnessing the effects of patriotism on the “me” generation.  This generation are a bunch of spoiled little fucks that have never had to have a job and think the world has ended when they cannot find their cell phone.  It is not their fault.  They were raised by the “I want to be friends with my kids” generation.  Stop being the “cool” parent and instill some god damn discipline.  You are not their buddy or pal.  You are their mentor, teacher and at times enforcer.  When your non-employed teenager, getting C’s and D’s in school decides he want to express his individual rights of anarchy by dressing all in black and wearing makeup.  Stand up to the little spoiled shit, wipe the crap off his face, cut his fucking hair and tell him to either get a job or bring up his grades and if he wants he “unearned” allowance back then he will do both.  Quit pandering to your children.  Guide and direct them, if at times even push them, toward the right path.  Whoa I need to stop there and do another blog on that one.

What I am trying to say is that Americans prophesise their love but it does not reflect their actions.  We want it all, but refuse to give anything for it.  When we invaded Iraq the presidents approval rating was second highest in history only surpassed by JFK.  Then all of a sudden we had our first casualty, suddenly the war became real and everything went to shit.  It wasn’t until then that people even began to wonder.  “Wait a minute.  If Ossama Bin Laden planned the attacks and he resides in Afghanistan.  Why the hell are we expending 75% of our armed forces going after Saddam Hussein?”  (another blog on THAT one).  Since I mentioned the attacks.  Please allow me the indulgence of slapping you across the face and say “get some fucking perspective!”  The 9/11 attacks killed 2,973 people and in America there are 298,444,215 people so on that day 0.001% died.  To those that only have public school math that means 1 in 100000 people died.  What does that number mean?  To put it into perspective.  I man in America has a 30 times greater chance of getting anal raped than to have died in the towers.  Believe it or not, 90,000 are raped each year.  So lets play with the number a little more and say that since 9/11 (the starting point) 2,973 people have died on American soil due to terrorist attacks and 450,000 guys got ass fucked against their will (those are excluding prison rapes).  Now that we can grow the fuck up and quit raising our collective fists in the air screaming “REMEMBER 9/11″ every time some asshole fireman wants a free drink.  They died doing their jobs, get over it.

If you really want to support your country and prove you love it.  Get off your lazy ass and join the military and fight for what you love.  If you have a good job and cannot afford to leave it, then join the National Guard of your state or Reserves.  If you are too old or just too stupid to join then get your kids to join.  Instill in them what love for a country means and what defending freedom entails.  If you are fat, old or lazy and have no kids, then now you must do what you can.  Buy goods and services from companies that support our troops.  Vote for politicians that have military records.  Also, for fucks sake when you see a military member, thank him for his service.  Walk up, stare him or her in the eye and with a heart felt, firm hand shake utter these words “thank you”.  These people volunteered out of love for their country to work below minimum wage.  Be away from their families for sometimes a year or more.  So while you bitch in your air conditioned car because traffic made you get home at 5:10pm instead of 5:00pm, think of that soldier huddled over a scratch pad writing a letter to his daughter that he has never met, while the thermometer in his foxhole registers 120f.  Of course he does not mind, or complain, since today he only has to do a 24hr shift and not 36.